Parents Please Don't Sit on Your Children

Today I rediscovered a book that I picked up at a garage sale with the title, "Parents Please Don't Sit on Your Children." Despite the goofy title and a lot of pictures from the 70's, it is a pretty down to earth guide for non-punitive discipline of children and it makes a great case for alternative discipline methods. The kids have been crazy lately and we have been thinking about resorting to spanking. It was good to pick up the book to remind myself why I believe in other forms of discipline. It seems that when child behavior comes up there are always people that pipe up about how they spanks their kids and that it works and that their children are well behaved and that they can't believe that some parent let their kids "run amok" etc, etc, blah, blah, blah. Why these people are so bent on convincing me to hit my kids I can't say. My guess is that they want to believe that their methods are really the best even though deep down they don't really feel good about it. Also, people generally want to think well of their parents and if they don't want to fault their parents for using physical punishment with them.

The problem is that non-punitve discipline takes real skill and patience--something I generally lack. So while I have been reluctant to use physical punishment I do not necessarily have the skills to discipline my kids without it. But just reminding myself that I think there is a better way helped me tonight to be more patient with my kids and provide them with choices, diffuse situations, etc. I know it's possible to provide discipline, help kids to grow up to be useful members of society, AND maintain a loving relationship with my kids without fear of physical punishment being part of the picture.

It is easy to think of discipline simply as a means to control your kids and get them to do what you want. I believe this thinking is short-sighted, selfish, and can cause irreparable damage to your relationship with your kids. Discipline should really be about them and how to help them develop and grow in safe and healthy ways THAT ARE APPROPRIATE FOR THEIR AGE LEVEL. More and more people want kids to behave like adults mostly for their own convenience and not because it's good for the kids.

So unless you've taken a plethora of parenting classes or have a degree in child development, and have personally put the test every alternative parenting method out there, please don't preach to me about how to control my kids based solely on WHAT YOUR PARENTS DID TO YOU 101. The truth is that even though you think of yourself making a big sacrifice to instruct your kids on proper social behavior, you've taken the easy way out. And unless you can prove that your kids are happier, healthier, feel more loved, safe, and appreciated, and have a better self image BECAUSE you physically punish them, I will thank you very much to keep your opinions on how to keep my child from throwing french fries at you at the local Applebee's to yourself.

Phew! That's my first serious rant in a while. Now that that's out of my system I think I'll go back to complaining about unnecessary street signs ("OBEY ALL TRAFFIC SIGNALS") or halogen light bulbs (they can make any room feel like a convenient store bathroom.)

The Poopy Diaper Song!...Tell your Friends!

I was inspired by my brother Dan's recent post about his meese and penguini song so I thought I would share this one I came up with so that it will get stuck in all of your heads for eternity. It is sung to the tune of The Eentsey Weentsey Spider (or The Itsy Bitsy Spider depending on what part of the country you're from.)

Oooooooooooooooh...
The poopy poopy diaper went up the diaper spout
Down came the poop and washed the poopie out
Up came the wipes and wiped the poop away
And the poopy poopy diaper went in the trash again.
Yay! (clapping)

This little bit of inspiration came as I was trying to get Taylor to calm down when changing his diaper. Now he won't let me change his diaper without singing it. I know I should try and come up with original tunes, but, truth be told, I'm more of a lyricist than a composer.

New Material

As interest in topics relating to the McRib seems to have waned, I will now turn my attention on new and exciting subjects such as the following:

1. NBA Playoffs only on cable TV. Grrrrrr!
2. I actually like Mandy Moore's new album????? (She's grown up a lot ya' know)
   
3. When recently asked which natural disaster I'm most afraid of, I surprised myself with the quick and vehement answer: "Tsunamis!" I knew there was a reason I've been avoiding that trip to Indonesia. Did you ever see the movie Deep Impact? (shudder)...(second shudder)
   
4. The other day Caleb taught Taylor to say "Fart Head." They grow up so fast.
5. My Facebook momentum has died. If "number of friends" became "number of friends you actually stay in contact with AFTER see who they married and what their kids look like", the number would probably be around 10. Are YOU one of the 10? If you comment, that means YES!
   

Man, I Grossed Myself Out

I apologize if I traumatized anybody with this picture of the inside of a McRib. I gave myself the willies and couldn't keep it in "Picture of the Day" for more than a day. If I didn't already know what it was my official guess would be pancreatic cancer cells under a microscope. For posterity, I'll include it in this post. This should provide motivation to keep blogging so I can get it off the screen. Needless to say, no additional motivation is required to avoid the McRib.

Honk if You Love Atonal Music

I met someone on Sunday who is getting his PhD in music composition and is writing his dissertation on atonal music. He claims that the only reason people dislike atonal music is because they've been trained for centuries to like tonal music. That's kind of like saying that the only reason people like salt is because they've been putting it on their food for a long time. I tend to think that the real reason there is not much interest in atonal music is that, like T.S. Elliot's poetry, you have to study it for hours to get anything out of it. I must admit that I am not the most experienced when it comes to modern atonal or "meta-tonal"(?) composition. I'd love to give it another try if anyone has any suggestions for composers.

ps If anyone with ginormous monitors is still experiencing Mohammed Ali scalp at the bottom of their screen, please let me know.

My Goal is to Get Mohammed Ali's Face Off the Page

Oh yeah! Mission accomplished!

I'm Going to Start Posting All the Time Now!

SEEE?!

Time for Mohammed Ali to Go Bye-Bye

Man that guy has taken the spotlight for WAY too long!

The Epic Battle Continues

Check out this link to see how you can join forces with Mohammed Ali in the ongoing fight against tooth decay.

The Flossing Barometer

I've noticed that there are little indicators in my life that act as barometers for the way things are going as a whole. I generally don't think about flossing unless things are looking up. If I feel the desire to floss then I can expect that a high pressure system (sans inversion) is on it's way in, meaning a positive force and a general sense of optimism. Then when I do floss I feel hope for my gums and for the rest of my life. I feel good about the fact that in this one thing have brought my principles and my actions into agreement. When I am true to my gums I am true to myself.

Sometimes, however, when I look at the floss I feel a sense of sense hoplessness, like it's another of life's hoops that must be jumped through endlessly. Can one ever finish flossing? The answer is no. At that point flossing could easily be added to the endless tortures that the damned must endure in Dante's Inferno. Flossing, the dishes, work, diapers. Will it ever end?!

Luckily, I'm in a flossing mood.

Worry Meal

The other day we went through the McDonald's drive-thru and got some happy meals for the kids and Caleb said, "Dad, I'm so happy you got me a happy meal." To which I replied, "Yeah, It's a good thing we didn't get you the sad meal." Later Caleb said to me, "Dad, I'm so glad you didn't get me a worry meal." I wondered what would be in a worry meal if there was one. I thought that the worry meal might contain the following:

• additives and preservatives
• too many calories
• too much salt
  
• non-organics
• bio-engineered foods
• unidentifiable meats

It was then that I realized that the "happy" meal is, in fact, a worry meal. The only thing that is missing is to take away the toy and add a sheet of paper with depressing statistics like the likelihood of social security still being around in 30 years, the current death toll in Iraq, and the percentage of obese children in America. Instead of fun games and pictures on the side of the bag they could show graphs of the Dow Jones Industrial average over the past year or maybe the unemployment rate. Perhaps the worry meal could come with an extra side of guilt or self-pity (i.e a chocolate sunday.)

ps What IS a McRib?

The Unprofessional Blog Fiddler

I have decided to officially come out of seclusion and once again join the blogosphere. I must say that I missed me, did you? I will not give any excuses for my hiatus other than to say that forthcoming baby #3 (Gunner or Chastity), now in his/her17th week of gestation, has made life interesting.

I must also give a "shout out" to David Shelley who coaxed me out of blogger's block with his apropos fiddling comment (see last post.)

I find it sad that after a three-month absence I (still) have nothing substantive to say. Let's see, how about...Go Barack! Fix that BCS! Mark Shurtleff's got your back!