The Scrappy Player

I play basketball...barely. I'm that guy, you know, the one that tries really hard, but should probably just give up and go play Dungeons and Dragons. Here are some actual quotes from last night's bruising encounter (I'm not making this up):

• "Did somebody's head just hit my foot?"
• "You're getting some really good looks"
• "Why does your head keep hitting everybody's elbows?"

I do feel that I'm improving, but only on the cardiovascular level. This means I've stopped weezing. I've seriously considered going to the library and checking out a book on basketball. In this way I hope to overcome years of inactivity and poor motor skills and achieve basketball zen. By "zen" I mean not getting picked last. Actually we choose teams by shooting free throws--same diff. This method creates the most balanced teams possible with the short losers on one side and the basketball gods on the other. Inevitably, after trouncing the mediocre, free-throw deficient team, someone from team Gargantua will say, "These teams are pretty fair, let's keep it here." To which I reply, "(groan)" What's a scrappy player to do besides step into the lane in front of Mr. 285 lb ex-high school player and take a charge for the team and a knee to the head? Oh I forgot, offensive fouls don't exist in pick-up ball.